The closer the end of the semester approaches, the more bittersweet I begin to feel. I’m so excited, yet so nervous. School has been a loved routine in my life for the last 20-something years. I’ve made incredible friends and an endless amount of memories within these campus walls. I’ve fallen in and out of love here, I’ve made friends that last a semester and friends that I’m hoping to keep forever, I’ve learned something new every day here, and I’ll forever be a San Diego Aztec.
I can 100% say that I’m so glad I transferred to San Diego State, instead of the other schools I was accepted to. Instead of going as far as Humboldt or as close as Fullerton. These hallowed halls will forever be in my heart, but as I sit in class applying to 30+ jobs applications, I begin to doubt my decision to take a year off before graduate school. Should I have? Should I even be doubting myself?
One of the biggest arguments in the college community is how hard the job search is. I haven’t even graduated yet and I’m already panicking. Why? If I don’t find a hob within the next year, I can go back to school and get my masters in school counseling – which is my main career goal, to become a guidance counselor.
This year is meant to find a job that either fulfills a passion of mind (design, crafting, or writing) or helps me gain experience (these are jobs within the academic field I’ve applied for: admissions advisor, program advisor, student success or campus liaison) and the random jobs that pay better than my current serving job like receptionists or assistants in real estate offices or schools.
If I don’t end up wanting to go back to gradschool, I can always join the military 🙊 and I know that sounds crazy, just saying it out loud sounds crazy, the shock and surprise in people’s eyes when I talk about it, is enough to know I sound crazy. But the military is good job security, benefits, and a means to travel while I’m single and haven’t settled down.
The Public Affairs officer sounds so perfect. I get to publicize and market the military – two things that fit into my broad bachelor’s degree as an English major. English is something that challenges me intellectually, I’m a pretty superficial reader but as an English major I’ve been trained to read critically and analyze texts. I’ve learned to speak articulately and write powerfully (whether this blog proves to be a public example to that is up to it’s two or three readers).
But enlisting is just as scary as graduating. I know it’ll be hard, just like the last two years at SDSU have been (mentally, not physically – while boot camp may be my biggest reason of uncertainty to enlist). Yet the Air Force has an Officer Training School for the PA position that seems great, while I have a soft spot for the USCG – it’s a two to three year wait for the PA position, I’d have to be a Yeoman or something before ever getting to see the PA position.
The possible rejection looming over me after graduation should not be so scary to place “military” as my plan C. Or should it be? What I’ve come to grow very confident in over the last two years is knowing what I want in life. My plans and ideas may not coincide with God’s plan for me but I sleep better at night knowing that I have an idea of what I’m doing in life, what my purpose is. I try to set up a future to look forward to, not a future I’m settling for or a life that I’m stagnant in.
Right now, I feel stagnant – I can’t grow at my current job. I have no interest in making serving or bartending a career move, I don’t want to be a supervisor or manager within the(or a) restaurant – I’m stagnant, I’m stir crazy, and slowing loosing my mind waiting tables and not feeling any sort of fulfillment.
I guess that’s when my neurotic tendencies fit in well, I look at things from all angles to see the good and the bad. If I find a job within the next year that I absolutely love, I can put off grad-school and see where that job takes me. Or I hear nothing back this whole year, I don’t find a job that fulfills anything I can see myself doing for the rest of my life – I can apply to grad-schools and follow my heart there. Evidently, if I don’t follow either plan A or B, I’m probably going to feel so lost and unsure of where my life is meant to be that enlisting to a job that has a solid four years of job security (more if I choose to stay) would be totally worth it 🙈
These last two years have been an absolute blur. I began SDSU with immediately wanting to change my major (yet again) to work within the school system; a teacher, a counselor, anything. I fell over the moon in love for a boy that lived 2,000 miles away in my second semester; the next two semester these campus halls watched me struggle with the break up, the slow recovery, and continue to move on without that piece of my life. I’ve created friendship that grow, blossom, and then drift apart; others that I’m planning on living with by the end of the year (hi, Jules!). I’ve learned to push myself out of my habits of superficial reading and procrastination; while taking classes I’m genuinely interested in – like my religious studies class and my bible study where I’ve found a whole new level of love for my faith, my religion, and studying the bible.
The amount of opportunites I’ve found myself accomplishing here, blow. my. mind. When I graduated high school at 17, I would have never guessed my anxiety-ridden and unmotivated self would have ever made it here. But I never thought I’d find myself in a place in life where I’m so self-aware of what I want and proud of what I have either.