Sitting here on the couch, on my second cup of coffee, engrossed in yet another episode of Gilmore Girls. I’m stumped rewatching the episode when Lorelei leaves Max Medina, before their wedding and instead goes on a road trip with Rory to Harvard. And I’m thinking to myself, damn, that’s totally me. But not really (the whole Rory being obsessed with Harvard part not the Lorelei leaving Max part), because I didn’t go to Ivy league or really care about college when I was in high school, plus I never had an actual tour of SDSU.
But as I watched Rory give some smart answer in a huge lecture hall and how Lorelei looks so sad and fulfilled while she walks the halls of Harvard – I realized just how sad and fulfilled I feel about being in my last semester of college. I mean I’ve extended my stay as long as I could! I changed my major four times, went to three different community colleges before transferring, learned to procrastinate like an all-star, write an eight page paper in two hours, over filled my bookcase, and God knows what else.
I’m absolutely terrified of leaving. Where am I going to have my structure? There’s no deadlines, no required readings, no more shopping for school supplies, no more back packs or purses wrecking my posture because of the amount of stuff I have to carry. no more brown bagged lunches, no more lectures that bore the life outta me and no more lectures that leave me feeling like my mind is blown out of portion.
Leaving school seems to be so bitter sweet. I’ll finally be able to get a job out side of the service industry. I want to find something that has more to do with what I want to do with my life versus a job that I’ve been doing for the past six years (in theory) just to get me through school. Leaving school means I’ll be able to focus on my side hustle, I can link a shop of some kind to my pallet designs and possibly start selling/making money off of something I absolute love to do! (If you’re curious @_thelovelylina on insta) I’ll be able to join crossfit and focus more on yoga, finally not work weekend nights, not have homework, not having to work around my school schedule to travel, I won’t be tempted to buy SDSU merchandise every. single. time. I step into the bookstore – because it’ll now be a different bookstore!
I can’t help being scared out of my wits when it comes to graduation, I love being on campus and being a student so much. It’s a comfort zone, it’s where I feel most at home when I’m not home. But closing this chapter on such a good note also means the world. Neither of my parents went to/finished college, my younger brother got bored and dropped out. I already have my associates degree, but continuing on to get a bachelors (and hopefully a masters someday) feels like such a huge step, and not just for me but for my family.