Saturday morning, while cuddling with my Roxy, I decided I wanted to do something somewhat productive before work. With losing my grandpa on Monday, and flying to Mexico and back since then, I’d missed a week of gym outings. I did a quick leg workout on Friday after I landed home, but my body was craving more activity. Yoga seemed like the perfect answer.
I rushed over to the 11:30 class and settled into my mat. The teacher announced the class would be dedicated to “someone or something” we’re grateful for. I immediately thought to myself, perfect, with what’s going on in my family right now, being grateful is perfect. I started it out pretty easily – deep breathings, deep stretchings, deep everythings. I was being so grateful for my family. But I also couldn’t get this stupid dream I’d had about my ex the night before. So I gave in.
I thought about my ex boyfriend long and hard. I thought about our relationship while I leaned into warrior pose, how we met as a mountain posed, the whole whirlwind romance and I dropped into a child pose, and how it all came to a sudden halt during a plank. I couldn’t help but hold back tears as I set into a downward dog. The teacher reminded us to be grateful, to really think about what you’re grateful for whether it’s someone in your life, something coming, or just being grateful for being here-right now, to sit in this position for a few breaths and just be grateful.
I closed my eyes and thought to God – I am so sorry. I know I begged you to give me the strength and the courage to move on if this relationship wasn’t meant to be, but thank you. Thank you for giving me something I will never forget. Thank you for giving me a love I never could have imagined to be true. Thank you for giving me a guy that taught me what I wanted in life, what I need in life, and what I could have only ever dreamed of.
He may not be the guy I end up with. I can’t sit around and hope to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with me, but thank you.