I want you to know that I miss you. That I always will.
That every time I hear Chicken Fry, I’ll think of you. Every time I meet someone from Kansas or Alaska, I’ll think of you. While I’m fishing, eating Tajin, or watching Gilmore Girls; I’ll think of you.
I also want to thank you. A fear I’ve had for a long time is that I won’t have the chance to really grow up. That my life may be cut short for whatever reason God chooses. I know it’s an irrational fear to have, but it was always lingering in the back of my mind. It was a small fear I carried with me whenever I had anxiety, until I met you. There are pieces of my future I can’t fully see – my career specifically, but I could only imagine what my wedding or children would be like.
Falling in love with you gave me the chance to see my future. The bright future everyone always says they see for me. I could see myself marrying you, cooking with you, arguing with you, exploring with you, growing old with you.
You gave me so much in such a short amount of time. And I still feel the same amount of love and pain for you as I did on this day last year. But all I want to do right now is thank you, for the future you gave me that I couldn’t see in myself.
Thank you for teaching me to let go of my barriers and insecurities, thank you for letting me fall in love. I may never understand what happened; if it was truly genuine or all just a game for you, but thank you. Because either way, you taught me more about myself then any other guy could’ve dreamed of doing. You allowed me to be my honest self and feel completely loved while doing so. You allowed me to neglect my insecurities and fears, instead of feeding them.
All I can really say is that I miss you, I thank you, and I’ll probably be deleting this post soon.