Every year instead of a new years resolution, I choose a word. Something to signify the new year, something to strive for, something to hope for. I’ve used courage and just say yes, both were used separate years to push me through my anxiety. Both, helped. Before college, I was the shyest kid in the world. Ask anyone who knew me in 2010, they’ll claim witness to the truth. I still have anxieties. I still think of one too many what if’s and I’m a nervous traveler, but it’s a lot better than almost missing my prom or not being able to carry a conversation with a stranger.
But trying to figure out what my word for 2017 feels completely mind boggling. I don’t even remember what this years word was. I’m been watching Elizabethtown for the last two hours trying to remember what 2016 was supposed to represent for me this time last year, but I honestly don’t remember.
This time last year was also a lot different then where I am today.
For starters I’ll be graduating this time next year, I’m officially bartending (which means I’ve officially covered every front of house position you could possibly think of in a restaurant), I traveled to an exotic island (Old San Juan and PR), lost an important piece of my family, and I’m single.
This time next year I’ll officially be done with my BA. I’ll officially be out of the place I feel most at home in, outside of my home obviously. It’ll be the first time I feel out of place since 2012 when I was “lost” and decided to go to school cross town, alone, and get my shit together – which I did, I’ve officially been at SDSU for a year and a half and I have a year left. Then what? Go straight into graduate school without experience and hope for the best, or work for a couple years and hope for the best.
I’m officially bartending, God only knows if I’ll still be bartending next year 0r if I’ll get any better at it. But at this point I can do every job you see if you’re sitting in a restaurant. Now I’m not all that sure if I should be proud that I worked my way up or ashamed that I still haven’t left the restaurant industry. Am I seriously still going to be here next year? Or in a different restaurant?
I did some traveling this year that I wasn’t expecting to do this time last year. I got to go to Puerto Rico, which I never necessarily dreamed about, until I got there. Now I’m just dying to go back. It was absolutely amazing. I also did some traveling I wish I’d never done – my grandpa’s funeral in October. To think he’s not going to be waiting up for us when we arrive at all hours of the night, sucks.
This time last year, when it comes to my heart, was completely different. Basically a full 180. A piece of me will always miss last year, wishing it had worked out to still be in it this December and new year. But to sit around waiting a year later is pathetic and so not healthy. I’m in a place where a piece of me misses it more than anything, but I’m also okay with attempting to date again…attempting being the key word, I meet a guy I hope for the best and then, well, nothing. It’s not the same.
Maybe 2017 will be hope for best, although that’s three words instead of one.